I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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