true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
sex in a hospital.. check
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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