..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
