Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
