I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well I just put wine in my tea
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
