Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
