Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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