shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
ugly people sure do ruin things
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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