Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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