Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
