I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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