dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
