I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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