we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Drunk is a universal language darling
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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