I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I deserve this hangover.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
