Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
