I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize