Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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