I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
