Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
