i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
