think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
