So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize