based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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