hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
