Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
