It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
