Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
