69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
