guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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