We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize