based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
God, I missed his penis.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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