I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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