you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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