what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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