Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
