Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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