My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
