mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
