Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
