dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
