I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
