I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
