Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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