A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
