just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize