Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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