I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
