what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
