He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize