i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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