Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
wow bdsm is so cute
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
