I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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