He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize