why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
