I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
