Your mouth is God's brothel.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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