take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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