I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
