i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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