Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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