for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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