its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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