a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
