Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize