ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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