hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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