Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
