My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize