He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
