So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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