sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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