Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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