did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
