apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
