Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
