Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
