guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
