I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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