he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize