Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm at about main and main street
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize