Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
