The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
