I think I died a long time ago.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
