If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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