I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize