you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
