Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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