that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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