i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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