the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
