I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
