I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Sober January is a disaster.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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