yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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