I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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