FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
