Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I could fuck to npr.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
