I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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