Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
